MILF

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“Mr. Pannell asked me to participate in your school’s career day.”

“Noooooooo!” said my 15-year-old son. He was visibly annoyed.

“Why not? I want to do it.”

“Mom, no! I’ll talk to Mr. Pannell in the morning.”

“No, you’re not gonna talk to anyone because it’s something I want to….” My son cuts me off abruptly.

“Do you know that you’re a meme in my school?”

“What? A what?” I was a little confused.

Blake was getting more annoyed by the moment. “You do know what a meme is, don’t you?” He said while rolling his eyes.

“Of course I know what a meme is. How am I a meme? That doesn’t even make sense.”

He sighed, “All my friends think you’re hot. You’re like the Mom with the body. I don’t want you around my friends.”

“Well, aren’t you happy you have a hot Mom? I mean…” I trailed off as he interrupts me again.

“No, I don’t! No!” with that final statement my 15-year-old walks away.

I’m left standing there a bit befuddled thinking to myself, “What just happened? Is this kid for real?”

This was a conversation that took place last week between me and my 15-year-old son, Blake, who attends an all-boys private school. A few days later I posted the conversation on Facebook as my status update and my friends, for the most part, were amused, and to tell you the truth I am a little amused by the entire thing myself. My Facebook friends, who are all people I know in real life, most of them even know Blake personally, started to weigh in on whether or not I should participate in Career Day.

The opinions were split down the middle, 50% who gave their point of view believe I should adhere to Blake’s wishes and not participate in Career Day, some of which were my male friends indicating that I just wouldn’t understand since I am not driven by testosterone and raging hormones. The other 50% were of the opinion that Blake will always have to deal with his “Mama being hot” so I should indeed attend and Blake will just have to get over it.

My take on the matter is that I should go, for several reasons, the main one being that I can motivate and inspire by giving a talk to young, impressionable minds on the benefits of entering the legal profession. These days we never know where someone’s inspiration can come from and I think it would be a wonderful thing if I am able to reach even one student and inspire said student to one day apply to Law School.

I mean, to this day, I remember the lawyer I met while I was in high school that made me want to become an attorney. Well, I didn’t really “meet” her, she was in the bank conducting business, where I was waiting on my father while he too conducted business in the same bank. This woman was striking and fierce, as I eavesdropped on her conversation with the banker, I realized that she was a lawyer. She was well-spoken and polished, and she had the bank employees eating out of the palm of her hands. She had a commanding presence, and I remember thinking, “Damn, I wanna be like her when I grow up.” 😃 That was the moment when the seed of becoming a lawyer was planted into my brain. Obviously, there were several other circumstances, over the course of the following years, that made my determination to become an attorney a growing ambition but it started in the Cross Roads Branch of the National Commercial Bank in Jamaica.

I get it, teenagers are going to ogle. Blake is uncomfortable with his friends ogling. He probably ogles his friends’ moms too. It’s life, maybe even a rite of passage for teenage boys, if you will. I don’t know – I have never been a teenage boy – but what I do know is that Blake needs to get over himself and stop telling me what to do. As it stands, I am forbidden from attending his basketball games because his friends “look at me and talk about me”. Really?! My son plays Center for the Junior Varsity team for his school and I am so proud of him for even making the team and now I am not permitted to go cheer him on because he is “uncomfortable”. Mind you, my husband is allowed to attend the games but I cannot.

I have gotten to the point where I want to tell my 15-year-old to get over himself and his discomfort. My patience is wearing thin with him and this foolishness. I will respect his stance on the basketball games (even though I did sneak into one of the games a couple of weeks ago) because it is a mere social activity, but I was invited by a faculty member to participate in Career Day and I think it is very important that I attend.

One of my very good friends from Law School, a male, has been advocating for Blake all week. He has even sent me private messages saying I should sit this one out. He totally understands Blake’s “plight” since he “was once a teenager with a hot Mom too”. He says it “can be a lot for a young man to deal with”. My response to that is the fact that I have to sit out the basketball games and now he wants me to sit out Career Day, it would seem as if Blake wants me to sit out the remainder of his teenage years. My former Law School buddy promises that “it will get better” as Blake “matures”; but what if it doesn’t? Should I really wait for Blake to get over his “discomfort”? His teenage years will be over in the blink of an eye. He’ll be going off to University in just 2.5 more years. Am I to miss out on the limited time I have left with him, as my child in my house, because of such unbelievable nonsense?

I asked my husband, Greg, the neutral party and always the go-between for me and Blake, what he thought of the entire situation. He supports my perspective and thinks Blake should learn to start properly handling the situation instead of giving his friends too much of a voice. Greg states that in years to come when Blake’s buddies are all adults, he will still have friends that ogle me because some dudes are just “disrespectful” like that and Blake needs to learn as early as possible how to handle those “friends”, the sooner he learns, the better. Blake’s advocate disagrees with Greg and believes “friendships are important at any age, that life is never easy for teenage boys and young men, who go through a lot and are oftentimes told to put on a brave face and act tough because society expects them to”. According to my Law School buddy, what all young men need is “those they love to listen and understand their point of view”.

Now, I am at the point where I am going back and forth in my mind about this situation. I love my son, obviously, and want to make him happy, but for me, this shouldn’t even be a discussion. Like seriously, back in my day, my brother wouldn’t dare tell my mother not to show up to his school for Career Day, there wouldn’t have been a discussion. Hot mom or not.

According to my husband, the situation could be worse, the situation could have been such that he was being teased for having an unattractive mom. One that no one wanted to look at. Despite, the disagreement among my Facebook friends on the topic, the general consensus is that I ought to be “proud” that I am a hot Mom and that this is a “good” problem to have.

I have verbally agreed to participate in Career Day but I still haven’t handed in my formal notice of participation yet. Career Day isn’t until mid-March so I do have some time to think about it. I would love to hear your take on the matter. Should I go or not? What’d you think?

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135 thoughts on “MILF”

  1. Pingback: Yes!!! Why Not??! – Racquel Writes!
  2. Pingback: Yes! Why Not?! – Racquel Writes!

  3. And so when I read part 2, I did have a story come to mind from a time we were in Florida.
    I will share that in a minute.
    And only because you asked – I will chime in with how I have handled some similar conflicts with my boys.
    As noted – there were different seasons and whew – I think 15 to 17 is the toughest time for children needing their space from us getting all up in their social circle.
    —
    The biggest tip I have for anyone who feels called to do an outreach and it involves the son social community – well explain to them the value of outreach – and how we are OUR BROTHER’S KEEPER and how we pay it forward when we make time to invest.
    I learned early on as a parent – and I am sure you know – that when we “explain” why there are rules and guidelines in place – it helps them abide more.
    For example, no running around the pool because it is so slick and someone showed the kids a photo of stitches someone got from hitting the concrete – and this was in their mind when we reminded – walk to the diving board – walk!
    and this is I guess why we take young teens to see crashed cars (and love how Judge Judy taught me boys that cars are “lethal weapons” – and never sell a car to a friend – and “don;t play house and expect the courts to help you when things turn sour” ) –
    —
    and so if there times of resistance – I always gave long answers and let it flow. Sometimes it felt like a brick wall – looked like it too – but I banked on the fact that those minds are sponges- and I also know that we need to again and again remind our kids about “reaching out” and “not living for self” and this is no small matter
    –
    there are also times I completely serve my child. Because it is also so much about them. Times when I honor and respect their wishes and let them know a sacrifice was made to it.
    It gives me “investments” for times I have to pull a trump card (like you did) and just say “look – I know inside this is what I need to do and I will try and make it work for you – but right now I know what i feel I am called to do.”
    —
    but those times I do cater to them – it fills and edifies their cup. My mother did this for me a couple times when I was younger and it was pretty empowering.
    There are times when i just want to yield to them and let them have that power – provided they are not entitled and are not being so self-focused to where it will lead to imbalance later.
    They are still young and might be devastated by certain times of us getting in there – and that matters – but there are other times when we can compromise – like you did here – you stayed away from his grade and still reached out.

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    1. Yup! Duly noted that 15 – 17 are the stay away parents years. Blake tried to get me and my husband to leave the house when we had his 15th birthday party. He wanted an unchaperoned party. Can you believe that? I said, “No parents, no party, you choose.”

      I hear you regarding explaining things to our teens and showing them illustrations of consequences that might follow if they choose not to listen. Great advice.

      I am the Queen of long answers, which obviously annoys the heck out of Blake who always try to give me a ton of arguments to support his point, which I appreciate because I like him to have an opinion and use his voice. I always watch him thinking he’d be great in the Courtroom, but I digress. Sometimes I think he’s not listening to me but he recently said something to me that reiterated something I had said which made me realize that even though it seems as if he’s not listening that he actually is.

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      1. I was surprised when my son gave feedback on something my hubs and i were talking about. It was in 2013 and we had something unfold with a mechanic and it led to a talk about so much (being too immersed in porn and just stuff that steals essence) and a few years after that my son asked something about it. I was like – wow – you heard us talking – but it was not like we were in a private convo – we were in the living room and I can be loud sometimes (and sometimes when our kids hear stuff indirectly they are more open as opposed to us directly giving them info and maybe getting the hand – ha)
        —
        and quick little story.
        I took 5 teens to Florida in a mini-van.
        The trip went fine – but not sure I would do it again that way.
        one of the students that came was an art student – he came to the private school I taught art at – because he was getting in big time trouble at public and this is where he went for kinder) anyhow – he finished the year well and I got to know his momma pretty well – and i also liked this young man a lot. He was so open to learning (like he really soaked up that we don’t fist fight with other people because we can give them concussions and kill them – and we can use our words and not our fists and body – so I watched him change a lot). Well only once or twice did I give the God talk.
        It really is not my style to evangelize – I like being part of the link chain – ya know. But he asked me some questions and somehow this verse came up: “But since you are lukewarm and neither cold nor hot, I will spit you out of my mouth”
        again – just in small talk…. (and he had lots of questions)
        well my son1 pulled me aside and gave me that look – we went over to the side and I started to say something (defensive – thinking he was going to say I was embarrassing him) – but to my surprise he said – “Mom, I don’t think you should use words like ‘spew” with my generation – maybe spit would work”
        oh man – I still smile – because not only did my son get it – that sometimes we need to drop seeds or invest in others – but he was trying to help me with my delivery.
        –
        I love the ““No parents, no party, you choose.”
        and I can beleive it because one time – son2 had people showing up to have a party in the backyard with us home – he did say a few friends – we thought 3 – and my husband broke it up before it got started – he saw onekid with a lit cigarette and my hubs was fired up (ha – pun) but he said – goodbye, goodnight, so long – and within five minutes it dissipated. whew –
        son was mad but got over it – we gave the long talk about what happens on our property – etc. – and we also reminded him that there are things “he did not learn yet”
        and so R –
        sometimes we have to appeal to their trust.
        Like maybe that night – and another time – I reminded him how much I love him – and how (as you noted above) I am a parent and not a friend and how I am accountable to GOD above anyone else
        oh yeah – this was a party he wanted to go to and I had a check in my spirit big time.
        I told him that i really had to go with my gut – and told him that i am sorry but he might not really understand until he is 40! and hubs and I reminded him of our seasoned experience, the times we got the boot in the head with a hard-learned lesson –
        – and I think I might have noted how “passive parenting leads to adults who flounder and cannot attach” and so as hard as it was for him to yield – not only would God bless it and honor it – but deep inside of his growth and essence it was going to be good for him.
        so yeah – you know what I mean with the “long explanation” and I am rambling a bit here – but this is how we learn and grow – we share – right?

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      2. Absolutely! That is definitely a part of how we learn and grow through sharing. I appreciate you sharing your examples, experiences and stories. Parenting is no easy task and even though Blake is a great kid I can certainly use advice based on others’ experiences because you never know when I/we would be faced with a similar situation. So believe when I tell you I appreciate the “rambling”, I hung on every word. Life is so fascinating – we can definitely learn from others’ experiences.

        I especially love the story about the young man who switched to your private school after encountering some problems in public school and how he transitioned and became a better person for it. I love growth and admire individuals who are open to it.

        Great stories, P – Really appreciate you sharing those with me. Thank you. 💕

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  4. Hi R –
    I know this post is old news now – and side note – if you ever want my chiming in on a blog post – please drop by my blog and leave a link to the post – just in case I miss it – as noted before – I follow a lot of bloggers and it is sometimes hard to keep up – especially as I draw boundaries to stay away from the blog for certain days just to prevent burnout.

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    1. Why the apology, Boo? It’s all good.

      My son adores me. His friends’ snide remarks doesn’t dictates the way he feels about me. It dictates the way he feels about the situation. 🙂

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  6. Pingback: MILF (Part 2) – Racquel Writes!

  7. Just getting caught up on my blog reading! Wow, what a great compliment to be thought of as “the hot mom!” I get what the boy is saying but you know, you’re the boss. Lol. Besides, he should rise above the nonsense and show his friends how proud he is of his mom! You’re the bomb lady! You look good AND you’re intelligent as hell! Go get ’em!

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    1. LOL, Deb!!!

      “You’re the boss” – Best line yet. I need to remember that.

      Thank you for catching up on my Blog posts. I see that you read several of them. I truly appreciate the read and of course you already know I love the feedback. Thanks, Deb!

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  8. The dirtiest thing you can imagine your son’s mates saying is probably not half as bad as what they are actually saying. We had friends with hot sisters and mom’s. They took a lot of teasing. Times may have changed. Maybe it’s not so bad nowadays.

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    1. Who cares whether or not it’s a bad as back in day?! I am going to Career Day, which is next week Friday, March 22nd. The decision has been made.

      Those hormonal boys better behave themselves around me. I’m not one to play with. They WILL respect me! And they had better keep their dirty thoughts to themselves….I’ll be sure to report back after the task has been completed.

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      1. Yep. I remember during a family outing at an event at a homestead museum, someone tried to hit on my Mum – in front of Dad and us kids. Of course, Dad is 23 years older than Mum, and both were wearing shirts with their years of birth, so the guy initially assumed Mum was Dad’s daughter. 🙂
        We all found it amusing at the time.

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  11. Hi Rakkelle,
    Late response and you’ve already made a decision. I’m glad that you decided to go. Blake might not initially like your decision, but I think he will be very proud of you after the fact. Plus, you’ll probably reinforce to those young men that it’s super cool to be a hot professional. Most importantly, I’m sure you’ll have a positive impact in general…and possibly will inspire even one of them to enter the legal field or have a better understanding of the profession.
    Just catching up on some of your blogs. I’ve been super busy with work and planning my wedding with my love I met online 🙂 I remember your blog on how you met your husband so I just had to squeeze this in 🙂
    I always enjoy your blogs! I never delete them…even if it takes me months to read them. You always keep it real. Keep doing your thing!

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    1. Awwwww Andrea….Congratulations on your engagement. That is such fantastic news. Hope your wedding day is all that you want it to be and then some. Here’s to a long lasting, healthy, happy marriage full of wonderful memories.

      Thank you for reading my blogs. I appreciate you. It’s great to get positive feedback, it encourages me to write more. Thanks you so much. 💕💕

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  12. OMGosh, I can see where Blake is coming from and do understand. Thing is, we don’t know “exactly” what his friends are truly saying about the situation; whatever it truly is, he’s not happy with it and yes, as someone else said – this could be his way of protecting you, you know that saying “Out of sight, Out of mind” – maybe he feels that if his friends don’t see you then they won’t make comments about your hotness.

    However, you’re a mom that truly loves her child and I don’t think you should let the situation hold you back from being and doing you. I say go for Career Day, as you stated – you don’t know what young mind may be inspired to go into the legal field because of your presentation. Also, I would keep sneaking into the basketball games…lol. I think kids don’t understand, as parents we only have so much time with them and want to soak up every little moment as much as possible. I say do you and go – let his friends talk. As your husband said, it could’ve been much worse or the other way around…I’ve been there.

    I know whatever you decide, will be the best choice.

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    1. Funny, you’d write that because I snuck into a game 2 nights ago. Great game even though they didn’t win but great game nonetheless. I enjoy watching him play and I admire the camaraderie he has with his team mates.

      Thanks for stopping by, Roshonda, I had missed you. 💕

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  16. I went through this with my oldest son. When it first came up we sat down, had a family discussion about the challenges for all of us, did some roll play on how he could handle certain rude comments, laugh off others and basically how we can get through this without allowing the world to change who we are as a family. A bit of trial and error here and there and a lot of laughs later we managed to pull it together. I’d say, keep the discourse going and do what is best for all of you. A problem solved together makes the family stronger.

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      1. You’ll get there. Also, boys never really do seem to “get comfortable” with the mental image of their mother as a sexual being. Totally gives them the willies even when they’re parents themselves.

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  17. “I have never been a teenage boy,” that’s the part I keep returning to. I think you should be sensitive to your son’s feelings about this issue. Will teenage boys really be listening to you, or will they be grateful that they now get to spend several minutes looking at Blake’s hot mom? You’ll never know, and I’m all about inspiration, but I’m also about the preservation of parent-child relationships. Ultimately, though, I’m sure you’ll do what’s best for you and your family, and like all things, it’ll be okay no matter what.

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    1. Hey Kathy, good to hear from you on this one. To answer your question – Yes, I absolutely believe these teenage boys will be listening to me. This is a private school full of above average students, it’s not a school that is easy to get into. That alone says a lot about the caliber of boys that go there, mind you they are still teenagers with raging hormones, but they are all about academics as well. Their graduation rate is 98% with at least 60% getting into Ivy League Universities. Trust me when I tell you I can make an impact. They won’t only be looking but also listening.

      Blake will be alright. I agree with you on preserving parent-child relationships and I truly believe that me going to present to a few classes on Career Day will also benefit Blake. Not only will he be “Blake with the hot Mom”, but he’ll become “Blake with the hot Mom that also has a brain.” Blake’s Mom will not only be known as a hot but also smart. They better put a book in that meme. 😂

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  18. OY. Tough topic. And, I hate the term MILF. It is disgusting & degrading to me. I could rage on in a commentary about society in general but, I won’t.

    I have no children so, my opinion of your situation is irrelevant. I will say that I agree with Britchy & your hubby.

    My four cents…FWIW…

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    1. The topic MILF was used purely for the purposes of clickbait, and clickbait only. I was taught by my Blog Writing instructor to always, always pick a topic that gets attention. I am not a fan of the term myself but it worked.

      Not sure if you had a chance to read my more recent responses but I made a decision.

      Further, you don’t have to have children to have an opinion on this piece, not at all. I appreciate any and all commentaries. We are all different and it is great to get different point of views.

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  19. It looks like you’ve made up your mind.
    You have a bunch of great comments up here.
    But I will pitch in anyway.
    I agree with what Coffee said about him defending your honor. And this is where Britchy’s comment comes into play – maybe Blake should talk to his friends and tell them what’s what.
    Also, I think your husband said it best.

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    1. Yes, Goldie, I have made up my mind but I do appreciate any and all commentaries regardless. There is so much to consider so one can always change one’s mind, especially if salient points are brought up that I hadn’t considered before. However, for right now I’ve decided to go but stay away from the Sophomores and focus on the Freshmen, Juniors and Seniors.

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  20. You’re strongly against his deciding if you should. You’re not as strongly sure about YOUR decision.
    Aside from parent/child relationship confrontation…
    Consider:
    1. what will actually happen if you go versus what you want to happen.
    2. You’re sitting out from extracurriculars but adament about deciding on this matter, why?
    3. He’s the one who’s attending that school day after day.
    4. Unfortunately young men his age can be very rude and bully.
    5. Can your husband attend career day? His job is just as important.
    He’s a teenage boy, just trying to get through school. Male adults can be lawyers to, even less good looking moms lol. I would be pushing for making it to games and leave this one Career Day alone.

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    1. 1. I will inspire young minds.

      2. Extracurricular activities aren’t that much of a big deal to me. I’m more into the academics and the shaping of young minds than I am into athletics.

      3. ???

      4. Blake is NOT being bullied. His friends having school boy crushes on his Mom does NOT amount to bullying.

      5. I was invited, not my husband.

      I’m sure I am not the only lawyer that has been invited. There are several parent lawyers in the school. A few of them even sit on the Board. I am sure others will be present.

      I have gone to a game, the team was playing another school located close to where we lived so I showed up. Most of the times their game schedule clashes with my personal schedule anyway so I don’t push much for that. However, when they play close enough to our home or my office I will be in attendance.

      I have decided to go to Career Day because it is important that these young men see a woman of color in my profession. The Legal profession is oftentimes dominated by males and or Caucasians. It will be my pleasure to represent the minority, someone these young men don’t see too often and inspire the minority students in the school.

      Thank you for reading, Nova. I appreciate your opinion. 🙂

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  21. I’m not a boy, but… I had a mom with the opposite problem. She didn’t dress well. And now I understand why, as an adult. She wanted to make sure her kids came first. My sister and I were not the best dressed, but we had nice clothes and things and didn’t get made fun of for not having anything. I would be proud to be a MILF. I coincidently got called a MILF about 10 years ago, I was… “honored” I guess? It was a nice compliment, and it gave my self-esteem a little boost. But I would just go. Your son will get over it. One day he may have a very attractive partner that all of his friends ogle over. He should get used to it now. I’d rather have my son be embarrassed by me being beautiful than because I was hideous.

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  22. Wow, fun read and I get both sides. Along with being a teenage boy subject to peer pressure, I understand that Blake is being protective of you (in his way). Honestly, no teenager wants his mom (in particular and I don’t know why coming to school for anything). And a hot mom to boot! I get why you want to go though. 1) You were invited 2) you are a role model who can inspire future legal minds. I say you go and let the chips fall where they will. Your relationship with Blake seems very solid and he is going to have to deal with knot heads all his life. I put this under the category of character-building. Also, I think things like this are good training that go a long way towards helping young boys/men learn to be respectful towards women and not view them as “meat” or “prey.”

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    1. Spot on, Lady!

      I totally get Blake’s concerns. I like that he wants to protect me but he has to learn how to deal with his buddies.

      Thank you for identifying that my relationship with Blake is solid. I’m thinking that a few of my readers here might have missed that. He and I are very tight; before Greg came along it was just me and him for years and we developed an unbreakable bond. We are able to share a lot and talk openly with each other. I actually appreciate him telling me how he feels. I will go but I will definitely keep his feelings in mind. I have actually decided that I’ll ask for the Freshman, Junior, and Senior classes and skip the Sophomores all together in order to avoid Blake and his pals.

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      1. Good plan! He will get it years from now, if not in the moment. He is, after all, his mother’s son and all of this is a normal part of growing up. In the meantime, I am certain you will inspire! Go get ’em!

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      3. I have a daughter. All grown up and on her own, but I do remember her being mortified when I showed up for field trips or classroom parent in full African garb, hats or geles and all. (I was going through that phase in her middle school years.) All of her friends liked me though, and I never made a big deal of it, and in general, the kids thought I was the Cool Mom, so all was well. Now, we laugh about it. That I could have toned it down a bit instead of looking like Wakandan royalty. LOL. But all in all, she loves me and seems glad I am who I am with no apologies.

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  23. I’m a bit disturbed at the ‘boys will be boys’ tone. Whilst I ABHOR the excessive political correctness we have I do think basic respect should be expected. Accepting that ‘boys talk’ limits where women go is not okay. I’ve taught my sons to respect other people’s parents. I think that’s a basic thing ALL parents should be teaching. Moms and Dads. If my son was talking about a friends mother like that he’d be picking soap out of his teeth until Labor Day.

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  24. “According to my Law School buddy, what all young men need is “those they love to listen and understand their point of view”.”

    You can love him, listen to him and understand his point of view while also disagreeing with him and telling him how you will be choosing to conduct yourself. You can’t help how other people react to you, nor should you even take that into consideration when it comes to parenting your child. As a mother, you need to show up for your kid at his events – school-related or otherwise. You also need to do what’s in your child’s best interest. Teaching him a life lesson by making him handle decisions he doesn’t agree with by an authority figure is a good one to learn. Allowing your child to dictate how they want you, as a parent, to participate in their lives is a slippery slope and can, ultimately, upset the balance of “power” in the parent-child relationship.

    In other words, If it were me, I’d show up to the games AND career day. I’d also have a conversation with him ahead of time telling him that I took his concerns and feelings to heart when deciding how to move forward, but that, ultimately, being the best mom to him means being present during the important times in his life. He probably won’t like it, but he’ll respect you…and he’ll likely appreciate it after he’s grown.

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    1. I did show up to one of his games “unannounced”. I ignored him the entire time, he was the one who eventually came over and talked to me after the game.

      Anyway, solid advice you’ve given. I have every intention of showing up. As you said, it’s a slippery slope and not one I’m about to get on.

      Thanks, Heather!

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      4. Picture on the left was taken in 2010 on Blake’s 7th birthday and the other was taken last month on Blake’s 15th birthday. Eight years to the day and the dress still fit.

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      4. There is nothing in either of your commentaries that indicated how you would feel if you were Blake. You said Blake is defending my honor and I agree with on that but you didn’t advice whether or not I should go you just said: “that’s between you and your son”. Like, what does that even mean? Of course, it’s between me and my son, obviously. All I am trying to do here is to garner some feedback on the situation. I certainly don’t want to be dismissive of Blake’s feelings but I also feel it is of great import that Blake learns as soon as possible how to handle these kinds of situations.

        Your second to last comment just sounded a bit dismissive, that’s all. Maybe I misinterpreted your tone as a bit perfunctory.

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      5. I don’t sugar coat nothing, however I know I come across blunt at times, that was not my intention.

        I was just trying to put it in a way that didn’t seem like I was being crass.

        I said that’s between you and your son. Because I cannot picture the dynamic between you and Blake. Meaning, that I’ve never spoken to Blake and Ive never been there when you two were talking about this.

        I guess the best way I can put it is like this.

        I know you are a grown woman, and you’ve experienced men and boys flirting with you before. Yet, for Blake, this is uncharted territory and he wants to remain friends with these kids the easiest way possible.

        Perhaps, he feels like when you are not around, they don’t talk about you in front of him. So, he gets to avoid that conflict.

        I know that it might not be the right answer, but maybe it’s the easiest answer for Blake but not for you.

        If you want Blake to stand up for you, then go ahead. If you want him to be carefree and not have to deal with his friends, then stay home.

        But this is not the entire dynamic. You want to be there for Blake, you feel as if he should not care about what his friends say.

        If you go and yell at his friends, then they will make fun of him for that as well.

        Blake would probably be more inclined to stand up to his friends for a girl he likes, to show her that he can be her hero. But you are his mom, so he doesn’t know how to handle his friends and their comments.

        It’s a complicated issue, that you have to weigh. Blake, probably doesn’t have the life experience or the wit to handle his friends. That will come with time.

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      6. And there is the 007 I know and like.

        *Sidenote* – I would never, ever yell at Blake’s friends. His friends have never ever said anything in my presence that would warrant that reaction.

        I don’t expect these teenage boys will ever be disrespectable to me. All his friends have been very polite and cordial, they don’t even make eye contact with me. I suspect the little comments and remarks are made when they’re not among adults.

        Like you said, complicated issue and Blake will indeed develop the necessary wit and experience to handle his buddies. Better he starts learning from now.

        Thanks for your well thought out input (that I had to drag out of you). 😏

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  27. I think you should go and participste in your sons Career Day. Just act professional and ignore any rude comments. Boys will be boys and its hard to avoid them all. Treat them like you would your son.

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  28. My daughter used to get very upset about lewd remarks about me. My son just used to just laugh at them. I felt bad for my daughter but I resented being objectified by little boys and that their immaturity affected my family time.
    I’m suggesting you talk to Blake along the lines of his friends immaturity shouldn’t be allowed to put you in a burka.
    Right now, how you behave and where you go is being dictated by his friends. I’m sure he will be the first to agree that’s unacceptable. Men should be outraged that other men’s inability to control their mouths limits women’s freedom. I know they’ll look – looking is fine! They should appreciate beauty! Making anyone else uncomfortable is not fine and not acceptable and that’s the route I’d take. Why should other kids miss out on the benefit of your experience because some are so stupid they objectify you? That’s the unacceptable behaviour, not being attractive 😊

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  29. Damn… this is hard one. I mean hell, you ARE a hot mom and a lawyer to boot. And while I understand a teenager’s mortification when it comes to their parents (hot or not) this might be a great opportunity to prove to his classmates that you’re more than a pretty face. ( or hot mom bod, as the case may be ) Dazzle them with your brilliant mind…. but maybe wear loose clothing so Blake doesn’t stroke out!
    😉

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  30. This was very interesting!

    I ain’t gonna lie, I understand exactly how your son feels. If your son doesn’t want you to go, I would probably sit this one out lol.
    This is tough situation because you really wanna speak at his school 🤔🤔
    I graduated high school back in 2008 and believe me, these kids are disrespectful if you have an attractive mom or sister. Sometimes this can make a teenager embarrassed and uncomfortable so I understand what your son is going through.
    When I was playing sports, I told my family to not come to my sporting events.
    In fact I work at Staples and I told my gf to not come and visit me lol and to go to another staples.
    Lol so I understand your son reasoning for not wanting you to come.
    Sometimes boys fight over stuff like this.
    Your son loves you very much and probably just trying to protect you and himself from from verbal communication. He don’t want nobody disrespecting you that’s all.

    For example, I believe going to club is for single ppl. I would never take my gf to the club because I know how fucked up these guys are. These guys don’t give a fuck and sometimes it’s more than 1 guy that try to approach my girl. I could end up fighting. That’s y I don’t go to clubs with my gf.

    I know the club example is a little different but this was an example that’s relatable to your son’s situation. Plus in high school people gossip all the time. When it’s more than one person ganging up on you, its unbearable. You never know, it might not seem like a big deal to most adults but to your son, this situation can make him dread going to school because sometimes words hurt more than physical pain(especially when the hurtful are regarded towards somebody you love). So if he is begging you to sit this one out, I might consider listening to him on this because he is the one that has to go to school and face his friends everyday.

    Btw I don’t know your son or his friends but it’s one thing if his friends think your attractive which is normal but if they are extremely disrespectful making explicit comments I would advise him to get new friends because a real friend won’t talk about his friends mother no matter attractive she is. I don’t recommend fighting nobody at all but if his friends is really disrespectful then I would be very proud and cheer your son on if he knock one of his friends out lol.

    But this is an interesting post because this is a specific one that is very common with young men.
    Thanks for sharing this and I wish you luck with you and his son.

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    1. Wow! Firstly thanks for your very lengthy, thought-provoking input on this post.

      I think you might be one of my youngest readers since you only just graduated from high school a decade ago, which makes your comment a really invaluable one since you only just recently went through the “hot mom” situation.

      It’s really cool to get your opinion on this. Had no idea it might have been this difficult for my Blake. Thought he was just overreacting and being a bit dramatic. It’s good to get the view from the other side from a seemingly neutral party.

      Needless to say, my Club days are behind me but it’s interesting that you mention this because I just thought men who didn’t bring their girlfriends to the Club was operating from a why “bring sand to the beach” kind of perspective so that they could perhaps hook up with other unsuspecting females. Hmmm, it’s interesting to actually learn that this might actually be done to avoid potential fights. Things that make you go, “Hmmmm!”

      Yes, my son does love me very much. He says it all the time and he shows it. I understand that part of this disagreement is because he wants to protect me. I get that but he also has to learn to develop the verbal skills needed to deal with the situation. I honestly don’t think his friends are being disrespectable like that with the things they say. I think it might just be them looking (literally ogling) and commentary on my looks which in a weird kind of way are actually compliments. I don’t advocate violence either but if one of them were to overstep then I wouldn’t be mad at him for defending my honor. 😉

      Thanks for stopping by (it’s good to have you back) and weighing in. I appreciate the good wishes.

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  31. What a great post, but I’m going to agree with most on here and think you should go because he one) should be proud his mom is who she is and two) that no matter what his friends say or think HE should be the one to make sure it doesn’t bother him three) he will learn how to handle situations he’s uncomfortable with. As a mom of three grown boys (men) I went through this with my youngest in high school. But he took a different approach. We’d go shopping and he’d always walk behind me and one day I asked why? He said “cuz I don’t want men looking at you booty ma, that’s why.” I found that comment funny! I’m Hispanic and inherited a “robust” behind which really bothered me in high school. But as I got older I learned to embrace my bodily gifts, lol. But I found it funny that my son chose to
    “protect” me that way. He still does actually but he said he’s proud to have an attractive, accomplished mom and I don’t look like I’m 49 yrs old. You should definitely go because your son needs to come to terms with how he handles situations like this. And your just the badass, successful, confident MILF that can show him why! 😎😁

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    1. Hi Huntress, I was hoping you’d see this post and weigh in. I remember you telling me that you were Mom to 3 boys so I really wanted your input.

      I know our sons just want to protect us from the vile out there. I get it. I understand but like you said (and my husband indicated) he has to learn how to handle the situation. I don’t expect it to get any better as he gets older since I have no intention of ever coming out of MILF mode. 😂

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      1. No one comes out of MILF mode, we just get promoted to Cougar, lol! It’s all a matter of confidence, his not yours. No doubt it’s hard for a 15 yr old to come to terms with who his mom is. All my boys have said they’re proud of me in every way including that I care about my appearance. Granted it took a while for them to be comfortable with this aspect of who their mom is, now I’m not saying I look like Gwen Stefani here but I take pride in how I care for myself, and it’s for e no one else. So you may need to slowly help him adjust to how others see his mom. To him your his mom that will never change, to everyone else your MILF, and that will make him uncomfortable.

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  32. Wow, eye catching title! HAHAHA! Okay, you know I have 5 boys. I just had a brief convo with the 15 yr old and he said you should not go. I was thinking maybe you could dress very modestly (hide that sexy body) and maybe he’d be okay with that? But you’re still gonna be a hot mama. But one thing, since it’s an all boys school, do you think you will have much impact on them regarding careers, especially boys of this age who are so hormonal? I think high school girls might be greatly impacted. Is there a sister school you could visit? As for your son, you don’t want to damage your relationship with him over this. They can be SO sensitive. ❤

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    1. Paula, I am planning on dressing, in the same manner, I dress to go to Court. I wear only tailored suits to Court.

      Yes, I do believe I will have an impact on the boys in the same manner that I would have on teenage girls. You’d be surprised how many questions these kids (both boys and girls) have on the legal system. I think it’s especially important for teenage boys to learn about the judicial system since years of statistics illustrate that they’re more likely to be arrested than their female counterparts, and or come into contact with the justice system.

      There is a sister school but I don’t know anyone over there, but I’d be happy to give a talk there too if asked. I participate in Career Day all the time, just last year I gave one to other high schoolers at one of my Client’s kid’s school. They were fun, the 9th graders and the seniors, especially, had so many questions. They were very intrigued.

      Here is a suggestion – I can give a talk to any class that doesn’t have Blake in it. As a matter of fact, I could forgo all of the Sophomores and just focus on the Freshmen, Juniors, and Seniors. How about that? Do you think Blake will agree to that? I’ll still be in the building though, I might bump into him. 😀

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  33. I agree with the others who say this is a teaching moment, in several ways. These boys will encounter hot women throughout their lives and it’s on THEM to behave appropriately and control their speech, not on the women to stay hidden away. Your son should learn to tell his friends he doesn’t appreciate disrespectful comments about his mother ~ these boys shouldn’t be making disrespectful comments about each other’s moms, sisters, etc. It’s all on them.

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    1. Yes, Paula, yes!

      Too often as women, we are taught to dress a certain way or act a certain way so as to not “turn on” men. What about men being able to control themselves and be respectful to members of the opposite sex? Too often the onus is on the female to act “responsibly” yet males get away with the “boys will be boys” phenomenon.

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  34. This is clearly a teaching moment. There will be an opportunity to offer inspiration to the young women in the class. Young men at that age have many competing messages being thrust upon them. The one that, in my opinion, is paramount is respect and discernment. Blake has an opportunity as well to show the strength to engage with his peers in a way that shows that. Take care of yourself first then offer assistance to those less capable

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    1. Well said, Jeff, well said. I appreciate your input.

      “Respect and discernment”; very important traits that every young man needs to learn when dealing with the opposite sex.

      Again, thank you for your input.

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  36. Love the post, it’s an interesting dilemma, but I think Claudette hit on an interesting point, one day he may have a hot wife, if you give into him now what seeds may that sow? Other people find his wife attractive, so he keeps her locked away? We all know how that ends up, he needs to learn how to deal with it. Teenage boys can be very jealous and insecure and these are hard lessons to have to learn. We don’t realise as children and adolescents how hard life can be until we are out there on our own. I teach around 60 teenage boys and could quite easily strangle 50% of their parents 😂

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    1. I actually think it would be different when dealing with your Mom, as opposed to your wife. I mean you marry a hot woman knowing that she will be in attractive to other men, I mean she is hot, isn’t she?! However, with your Mom you don’t expect anyone to look at her much less comment on her attractivenss. I dunno I guess it’s kind of weird.

      Yes, kids have no idea what’s ahead of them as adult and how challenging life can be. They are absolutely clueless as to how easy they have it now.

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      1. Hmmm, I have know a few men that have married ‘hot’ women then they have become very obsessive, criticising their make up, choice of clothes etc. They become insecure.

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  37. I always hoped to be a MILF when I have kids, but it’s interesting to hear it from a child’s perspective. I think you should go to your son’s career day, because I think it’s a great lesson to be learned…you can’t let other people dictate how you live your life. He should be proud to have a hot mom because that means he got good genes for himself lol.

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  38. Great article! I STRONGLY agree that you must allow him to voice his opinion so that he can properly learn skills for conflict resolution. As I constantly told my son, “If you can deal with me you can deal with any woman!” My VOTE as I stated earlier is that you go and represent! Mothers need to properly stand our ground because the worst thing any parent can do is lose their children’s respect? He will thank you for ALL the beautiful memories! Love You Guys!

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  39. Talk to Blake, tell him how you feel. I agree with your husband, he doesn’t need to give those boys license. If the comments make him really uncomfortable, he should address them. But don’t take it out on you. I could see if you were one of those MILFs who craved boys’ attention, then yeah, you banned from any function😂😂😂

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  40. As once I child with a “hot mom” my issue was the cat calls as we walked down the street. It annoyed me and I didn’t appreciate the attention. It was never an issue in school though. Perhaps my brother felt differently. I have to say I’m with your husband on this one. Is your son going to ban you from parent/teachers night too? I think it’s important for parents to participate in their children’s school as much as possible. Your participation is a way for his friends to get to know you, it will also give you an opportunity to demand/establish respect. Unfortunately, society allows young men/grown men to be ok with objectifying women and women’s bodies. Because of this, we don’t hide in our homes, we are much more than our bodies/looks. I see this as a double opportunity. Plus, there will be a little girl in there who’s going to be inspired.

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    1. Ris, I appreciate your commentary. You’re absolutely right. It’s almost akin to giving into “the objectification”. Yes, I agree, lots of teaching moments here…One thing I should point out though, there will be no little girls there to inspire since it’s an all-boys school.

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  41. Have the dialog with Blake again and have him read your blog. If he still is feeling uncomfortable then respect that. We, as moms, have to realize it’s not about us. I’m sure, once in college as he matures, it will turn around. ♥️

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  42. Here’s another perspective (please forgive me for being so bold):

    One day he’ll have a ‘hot’ wife.

    How he reacts to you now is practice for the future.

    In the interest of keeping the lines of communication open with your kid (I have an almost 14yo son so I hear you), explain it to him, acknowledge him, but assure him that in this case, the decision is not up to him. And see if he’s willing to accept that, but be prepared for outright rejection (of you, or your idea).

    Ultimately you should do what keeps the bond with your son intact, but it’s crucial that he understands this perspective.

    Now I’m going to email this post to myself to remind myself of this when it happens to me. 😉

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  43. Speaking from experience of being the boy with the hot mum many years ago, I would advise against going. My reason is that some 15 year old boys don’t just ogle, some of them tend to say lewd things within earshot of the hot mums boy.
    It happened to me a couple of times and it bothered me to the point that I had to defend my mums honour. If she hadn’t come to school I would not have been put in a situation that I wanted to avoid!

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    1. Wow! Interesting take. Never thought of that.

      Glad you defended your Mom’s honor though, I would expect the same from Blake but the flip side of that is that I’m not an advocate of violence and would hate for him to get into a fight because of me. *Sigh* What a quandary!

      Thanks for giving me another aspect to think about, John.

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