The Horrors of Online Dating

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Any good attorney should be able to argue both sides of a case, right?! Undeniably, I’m an advocate of online dating; I even wrote a blog piece on the benefits that flow therefrom 5 Reasons Why Online Dating Works but I would be remiss if I didn’t admit that there are some real challenges that come from trying to find love on the infamous internet.

I ran into all kinds while trying to find someone I’d be compatible with. Thankfully, my online dating horror stories are in my rearview and are now even considered laughable but there were several times I thought I would give up on my quest to find love. Fortunately, I was lucky enough to find my life partner; but truth be told it wasn’t easy and it took a whole lot of patience, patience I didn’t even know I had.

Physical Disparity

Anyone who has ever attempted online dating will tell you that the physical disparity that exists between a lot of potential suitors profile pictures and the actual suitor himself/herself is so common that one must always have their guard up. This happened to me countless times.

Take, for example, the seemingly attractive English professor, who in his description of himself stated that he was a fitness buff, who ran 5 miles every day and was keen on kale and every other healthy food out there. We decided to meet for dinner one evening after work and I made sure to wear black since black is a slimming color and this guy was such a health nut I wanted to show off my healthiest, svelte physique.

When I entered the restaurant I searched the bar several times looking for the sexy, toned, lean professor. We had agreed to meet at the bar and he had texted me that he was already there. I stood there thinking for a quick second that I had been catfished when a guy, who easily weighed at least 400 pounds turned around, his eyes met mine, and he smiled at me with some recognition. Oh dear God!!! This couldn’t be English professor guy, who ran 5 miles every day. Half this guy’s backside was hanging off the bar stool. Nooooo!!!

English professor guy had grossly exaggerated his healthy habits. As I sat across from him, while he chowed down on his dinner of fatty pork chops soaked in gravy I realized that the profile picture he had up on the dating site was, in fact, really him; both the profile picture and the guy in front of me had the same eyes, nose, and mouth but the photo he used was obviously taken at least a decade ago.

Here’s the thing, if you’re going to venture into the world of online dating please use a recent picture, like maybe one only weeks old or even only a few months old. It makes no sense pretending to be the guy or gal you were 10 thousand years ago. People are attracted to what they’re attracted to. I strongly believe that there is someone out there for everyone, and online dating is supposed to help us initially weed out who or want we don’t want.

We Like What We Like

It is such a colossal waste of time to tell untruths and pretend to be someone you’re not or pretend to be interested in something you’re not in order to try to get someone to go out with you; and for the record, I’m not a health nut and I enjoy pork chops but I am attracted to a guy who takes care of himself, even in a minimalist manner.

So here is the reverse – At another time I started chatting with another guy during my life partner search and hit it off with a biker guy, who worked on Wall Street. He was intelligent and funny and for a few weeks, we talked until we decided on a time convenient to both of us for our first date. We had really good conversations.

I was looking forward to meeting Biker Wall Street guy and was painstakingly picking out my outfit for that evening’s date when he called. The conversation started off light and easy when he suddenly said, “I’m over here looking at your profile pictures and I can’t really tell.”

“Tell what?” I asked. I was a bit confused.

“Your bra size.” He said without hesitation.

“My what?” I knew I had heard correctly because he spoke clearly and concisely, but I was in disbelief.

“What’s your bra size?” He asked.

“Huh? Wait! What! What did you just ask me?”

“I only date double ds or girls with at least a D cup.” He said.

For a few seconds, I really didn’t know what to say. Whoa! I wasn’t prepared for this one. After the uncomfortable pause, he asked again my bra size and then explained what his preference was and that he “liked what he liked”. He didn’t want to waste “his time or mine”.

Well! Well! Well! What was I going to say to that? The truth is that based on the several meaningful conversations I had with Biker Wall Street guy, there was a point when he was calling daily, I felt a sort of connection. I liked his wit and intellect but the reality is that at that moment I was so turned off. I wasn’t about to reveal my bra size to this guy.

Biker Wall Street guy and I never made it to our first date and that was our very last conversation. Admittedly, I was initially peeved about the situation and went into the entire “how dare him” spiel with my girlfriends but the reality is that the guy liked what he liked.

Unsolicited Dick Pic

I have heard that these days the unsolicited dick pic has become somewhat of the norm, but back in my day, when I was first doing online dating, it really didn’t happen that much, or maybe it just didn’t happen to me; however, it was only a matter of time.

I hadn’t even had a real conversation with “Sweet Sal” (that was his profile name) when I got the unsolicited dick pic from him. Sweet Sal looked like a real gentleman in his profile picture, he was wearing a tuxedo and had the cutest little girl hugging him in that photo, who I later found out was his niece and that the picture was taken a couple of months earlier at his sister’s wedding. We exchanged a few emails followed by our phone numbers.

Sweet Sal didn’t call, he just text. At the time, that wasn’t my favorite mode of communication but I figured what the hell. I swear Sweet Sal and I may have exchanged only a dozen or so text messages when boom he sent me a picture of his penis. I was stunned! There was absolutely nothing in our very short text exchange that warranted an unsolicited picture of that nature. Unbelievable! I guess Sweet Sal wasn’t so sweet after all.

After several minutes when I didn’t respond to Sweet Sal picture he dared to text me asking; “So what do you think?”

“Is that all you’re working with?” Was the only insulting thing I could think of saying. I proceeded to block Sweet Sal from further contact with me and that was the end of that.

There was also the guy who showed up to meet me, who had a severe limp, one leg was literally shorter than the other. He spent the entire date sobbing and complaining about the freak accident that led to this limp, which happened when he was 12 years old, the guy was in his 40s and still detested his childhood friend that caused the accident.

I sympathized with the guy, believe me, I did; but he might have mentioned his “shortcomings”, no pun intended, during our telephone conversations. Plus, when was he going to stop being the victim? It had been 3 decades since the doctors saved his leg, you’d think he’d be thankful he still had the leg but instead, he wanted to spend an entire first date bemoaning an accident that happened 30 years ago.

There are so many stories I could share but I will save some for later. Who knows maybe one day I’ll write a part 2.πŸ˜ƒ Truth is online dating is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna to get. 😁

In the midst of it all, while you’re going through the miserable, unpleasant dates, out of the blue s/he will show up. The one who, in the beginning, you were sure you’d meet, but during the horrors, you forgot even existed. The one who will smile so gently and warmly at you you’d swear s/he is too good to be true. The one who will laugh at all your corny jokes, ask you how your day was and take a genuine interest in your reply and make you feel like the very special person your Mom always said you were. The one who will be worth your time and all your effort. All it takes is patience, lots and lots of patience!

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84 thoughts on “The Horrors of Online Dating

  1. The amount of nodding in agreement I did throughout both of your articles is amazing! I definitely think the patience you describe is what I am lacking of and if there is one thing I learned throughout your articles is having patience. So, I will work on that and keep writing. Thank you!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think most online daters go through similar experiences. No doubt it’s a meat market out there. It’s not easy, a lot of patience is needed….A lot!!!!😏

      Thanks for checking out the articles.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This reminds me, I was listening to the radio a few years ago, and the host was talking about online dating and social media. He said the majority of profile pictures are at least a few years old… Statistically speaking. Yikes huh? I had an instance yesterday with an app, and a “woman”… It’s simply nonsense to waste time being anything but our “fruitful selves”.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. OMGosh!!! Online Dating…..there is definitely a lot to say about that one. Girl, I was choked up laughing about the English professor guy – Haha, I could just imagine him thinking – he had hit the jackpot with you and the penis pics, geezzz…I guess guys feel like their so well-endowed and us women are so hard up or horny that we’ll fall for the “D” and forget everything else that comes with it….NOT! You’re right, people want what they want and I’ve gotten to the place (not long ago) that hey, I’m not every guys cup of tea and won’t be as well as they won’t be for me….soooo….okay! Hate you ran into the suckers of online dating but soooo glad the ending story is that you have your prince charming, the one who was destined for you. Patience does pay off – it’s the waiting until it sorts it self out that sucks sometimes. Great Post Girl! as always…wink…xoxo

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Guuurrrrrl! As my currently single friend would say, “These men out here be trippin.” I can’t with them sometimes.

      Yep, people want what they want so despite Double D guy being intelligent and funny and all I wasn’t gonna try and change his mind about trying out C cups. πŸ˜‚

      I’m glad I went through the frustration though because it has allowed me to appreciate my he and even more.πŸ’•

      Liked by 2 people

      1. LOL about the C cups.
        The guys do be tripping a lot. I’m currently talking with someone and I promise you. I always get this feeling as though he’s going to pop out the bush and be creepy (fingers crossed, he hasn’t yet….lol)
        I’m glad things worked out for you too girl. A good guy now is like trying to find a needle in a haystack.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. LMAO, @ “he’s going to pop out the bush and be creepy”…πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. I don’t mean to laugh but I get it. We are so used to them screwing up and being less than that we are hella suspicious when they’re decent. πŸ˜‚

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Yes you do meet some “amazing” guys there. My shortest conversation ever: One man on the internet said hello to me, so I answered with another hello… he then said ‘Hi’, I thought ok lets play that game and said ‘hi’ back. Then he said ‘hello’ again…. so I answered, ‘you are not a man of many words’… to that he answered ‘ you are not war and peace either’. Well that was it really, I switched off…. πŸ™‚ I do not think I could have had an interesting conversation with him.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh girl, right now couldn’t be a worst to timing for me to be posting about dating and the ignorance there within.
    You covered MAJOR key points, especially the inconveniences of the inbox pics!
    To be honest, I feel there’s more cons than pros with the online dating option.
    I won’t go into that though; but, this is fabulous! Everyone needs to read this. Thanks for being brave and speaking up!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Oh-Em-Gee, Rakkelle, you are an amazing writer and this post had me cracking up all three times I’ve read it. I always re-read when things tickle me, because in my mirth I certainly don’t want to miss anything.
    The dick pic story was the absolute best, I too, prior to dating my amazing and gentlemanly husband, got my fair share. First and foremost, penises are the most ridiculous looking things on the planet and men think that their own is the Holy freaking Grail. When my husband and I were dating (we agreed to wait six months before being intimate) at some point near the time that the six months was coming to an end, I had to sit him down and tell him about my unusual reaction to seeing penises. I thought it would bode better for him to know this in advance rather than me breaking out in a fit of giggles when he got undressed in front of me the first time. Even with him being forewarned, he still got a bit pissed off when I laughed, the more huffy he became the harder I laughed until I had tears streaming down my face as I sat there butterball naked as the day I was born. Obviously I was something of a sight myself because after a moment he understood the hilarity of the whole situation and fell out laughing himself. At that moment we weren’t Naked and Afraid, we were Naked and Laughing hysterically. I immediately knew he was the oneπŸ’•πŸ’•

    Liked by 2 people

    1. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ This is a hysterical story. Too funny. It’s so funny I had to read it to my husband. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
      Thank you for sharing.

      Did you meet your husband online?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Haha, it’s still just as funny to me today as it was 5 years ago when it happened, although I’ve gained a smidge of restraint, and can keep a straight face for the most part these daysπŸ˜‰
        I didn’t meet him online, although that is how our paths crossed again 25 years later. Actually we went to high school together. He was a jock and an β€œA lister,” I was shy and bookish. We were friends but I fell head over heels for him but was too nervous to breathe a word of it to him or anyone. We both married a couple of times, were raising kids and had hit our 40’s convinced this was rock bottom as far as love and relationships went. One day he friend requested me on Facebook, we DM’d a couple of times, exchanged numbers and the rest is history.
        Sooooooo, technically I ended up marrying my first true loveπŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•
        I’m a sucker for a happy ending by the wayπŸ˜‚

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I think I will, thanks for the suggestionπŸ’•
        Right now I’m working on a blog post called The Wisdom of Madea…..you can take that and run with it!! Lol!! I swear she could be my own grandmother!! She’s totally wise and on point but she’s also absolutely hysterical. I just read a lengthy article on Tyler Perry and learned not only is he from New Orleans (I was born, raised and currently reside in Baton Rouge) that he was also viciously physically abused as I was as a child. He didn’t graduate high school but got his GED and shortly thereafter saw an episode on Oprah about using writing as an outlet to deal with the aftermath of his childhood trauma.
        Journaling to himself is how he got his start.
        I’ve always absolutely loved him (this one man is worth a million Justin Biebers) but these are little snippets of his early life I never knew. What an amazing soul. Every child should look up to this man as a role model.
        Be looking for my M to the damn D-E-A post coming soonπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Read the article above. This is why I am on IG so I can explain to my 11yo daughter (and 13yo son) that you don’t always see what reality is. Like your overweight guy…technically his profile picture is him, but not him right now, which is what matters. Right?

        Sigh

        Makes me look at my own profile picture…perhaps I don’t look that way all the time (and I know I don’t) but then I only want to post pictures I consider at least somewhat flattering. Having said that, I do picture current images…not ones of me at 24. I am not 24 now… πŸ™‚

        Now I’m gonna go check your comment thing in About Me.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Exactly!!!! We don’t always look glamourized and made up, even though those are the ones we usually use for profiile pics (which reminds me I need a more glamorized WordPress headshot, but I digress) but at least try to use recent ones, like within the past year or so, not one from at least a decade ago. Sheesh.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. “If you leave???” Girl, it’s been 5 years you are not leaving; or I think you would have been gone already…I hasten to add that there are good guys out there. It wasn’t all bad, not all of it.

      Next week will be 3 years since I have been married and I met my wonderful, gorgeous, considerate husband online. πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Wow is all I have to say. I am all too familiar with the struggles of online dating and receiving unsolicited pictures. πŸ™„But your story has given me hope. I pray I’m as blessed as you are to find a good one, the one specially made for me.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh yes, there is hope. I will be the first to tell you that. There are some great guys out there. Unfortunately, sometimes we have to kiss a few frogs before we find our Prince but your Prince is out there. I am sure of it.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Wow! You have met some real doozies. I wonder what makes some guys think ladies are interested in their locker room antics. They want ladies in their lives, but they act like immature goofballs. I don’t get it. Thank God, you found a MAN.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I am thankful day after day. I would hate to be on the dating scene now. I have a few single friends who tell me that the shenanigans have only gotten worse. I am grateful every damn day for my husband.

      Like

    1. Oh yes! I know there are women who do similar crazy things, PK. In fact, my husband and I spent our first date exchanging horror online date stories. It was hilarious, some of the things he told me that women did..Whoa!!! SMH…Yeah, we bonded over our crazy online experiences. πŸ˜‚

      Liked by 1 person

  9. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. Online dating is flippin’scary but the stories are quite funny. How is it that people still try the pic from 10 yrs ago trick? If you don’t look like you did in that pic, don’t set up meet and greet. Saves embarrassment. Glad you don’t have to endure that anymore, Sis.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I know, right?! It’s not like we aren’t gonna meet eventually…What am I gonna be so blown away by your conversation that I’m gonna forget your initial misrepresentation of yourself?? Get outta here with that.

      Thanks for reading, Lady. So glad I can laugh at it all now. 😘

      Like

      1. Your a good looking woman, you should have no problems. You gotta crawl through mud often times, to get what you want. You and your husband make a good looking couple.

        It’s funny though, after all these years, I still find her irresistible. And she has become a master at swiping my hands away from her β€œgoodies”. I guess I just can’t help myself.

        I have gotten fatter and she has gotten thicker. Yet, she still gives me kisses and hugs everyday. I’m a lucky guy.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Awwwwww, I’m a sucker for love. I liked reading that comment. I appreciate how love and lust are still there with you and your “hot, irresistible” wife…Yes, indeed, you are a lucky guy! I also like that you don’t take your ‘luck’ for granted, and that you love and appreciate her.

        Liked by 2 people

  10. Your analogy about box of chocolates can be more accurately said to be a box of chocolates from Harry Potter movie, with all their weird flavors like ear wax….Enjoyed reading your post. Thanks for sharing

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I have heard only excellent things about both, my nephew has read all the books and seen every one of the movies and has tried to get my son and me to follow suit but alas fantasy is not my favorite genre of books.πŸ™‚

        Liked by 2 people

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